An Old Tale From India

Lisa and I are trying to write fun and amusing stuff that happens to us on here on a regular basis. However, in the last few days, there really hasn't been anything worthy of writing about. There was something kind of funny I saw on TV Thursday night, but for it to be funny, you would have to know another story of mine. So Lisa told me I should write that story on here. It is a story that comes from a trip my brother and I took Asia back in September of 2008. We had quite the adventure in our one day in India. Many of you probably already know this story, but for those of you that don't know it, it is definitely worth repeating.

For India, we found a tour that would pick us up at the airport in New Delhi, drive us down to Agra to see the Taj Mahal, and then drive us back to the airport. When we landed we found our driver sure enough. He looked like a stereotypical Indian. Lots of facial hair, curly mustache, turban, you get the idea.

Well, we wanted to go to an ATM so we could pay for the tour, so we asked him if we should get the money now, or if there would be places in Agra. That's when caught the first glimpse of his difficulty in understanding English. After unsuccessfully communicating this question, we were finally able to get him to agree to stop by an ATM there in New Delhi.

As part of the tour, we were supposed to have a free lunch included. On our way to the bank, my brother (Tad) and I were discussing if we thought it would be in New Delhi or later in Agra. We tried asking this question to the driver, and again had difficulty communicating. However, he said something about stopping some place for lunch, so we thought we were good on that.

So, we began our 4 hour drive out to Agra. As we made our way through the city, the driver would point out some places in his memorized English. Our attempts at some simple follow up questions were in vain. At this point we became pretty wary of asking him any more questions, since we had little hope he would understand us.

We then were out of the city, and making our way through the countryside. Tad and I were trying to soak up as much of the scenery as we could. After a while, I noticed myself starting to get a little tired. It was a very straight and smooth drive. I looked over and Tad looked to be feeling a bit of the same. Then Tad mentioned that the driver was also looking very sleepy. I looked at his eyes in the rear view mirror, and they were just barely open. And when he would blink, it would take two or three very long seconds for them to open again. This is when we started to get scared. If there was ever a drowsy driver, this was it. Every once in a while you could feel the gas let up, and we would start to drift some. Then he'd open his eyes, honk the horn a couple times, and get the car back up to speed. Tad and I were sitting in the back, trying to think of something we could talk to him about. We couldn't think of anything to say that he would understand. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, we had to stop, and he had to go into some building and fill out some papers or something.

Tad and I were still a little shaken up at this point, and we were just hoping his walking around some would wake him up. As we're talking, this guy comes right up to my window with these trinkets to sell. I try ignoring him, and keep talking to Tad. That's when I notice that at Tad's window, there is a guy with a monkey. So, after our attempts to ignore them were futile, we tried shaking our heads and telling him no and everything. Tad's monkey friend was showing Tad how the monkey would go on his head, and motioned for Tad to come out so the monkey could go on his head. Tad shook his head and discretely locked the door.

After our genuine freak out from our drowsy driver, Tad and I started a game that became very popular this day: "What if...?" The car was still running with us sitting in there. We started saying, "what if someone just jumped in here, and drove off?" Just as we were discussing this, the driver-side door swung open. We both jumped, but it was the driver.

We continued on our way. Tad, in a probable attempt to keep the driver awake, then asked him, "So, how many kids do you have?" To which the driver responded, "Uh...... 15...... 20........ more minutes." We both looked at each other with that expression that says, "okaaaaaaaaaay...." In a moment that desperately needed humor, Tad replied in a voice only I would hear, "Oh. I have two....."

So, 15....... 20......... minutes after that, the driver pulls off the road and parks at this building. It looks like a restaurant, so we figure we're stopping for lunch. We expect the driver to lead us in and explain to the people that we're from the tour and all that. Well, we wait for his lead, and he motions us in. We don't know what's going on, so we just walk in there. We sit down, and Tad asks the waiter about the tour and a free lunch, and he has no idea what we're talking about. So, looks like we're paying for lunch. Good thing we took out a little extra money at the ATM.

We get our menus, and they're in English. However, we have no idea what any of the dishes are. Tad asks for something that's not spicy, and ends up getting "boneless chicken." I try asking the waiter what some different things are, but he's not understanding me, and I'm not understanding him. At this point, I've had enough of failed communication, so I decide to roll the dice and just pick something at random. While we wait for our food, we play the "what if" game again, and ask the question, "What if we eat, and then our driver is nowhere to be found?" We started discussing what we would even do in a case like that. After a while, we get our food, and the first thing I notice is that mine has a giant boiled egg in it. Interesting...... Tad tries his, and it is very spicy. He eats some more of it and finds that it's "mostly" boneless chicken. In the little bit that he actually ate, he found several bones. Mine wasn't too bad. I cut the egg in half, and the yolk was a nice dark shade of green. I quickly decided that there was no way I was eating that thing. So, I cut it up into a whole bunch of little pieces, hoping it would look like I ate some. After some meager attempts of getting a lot of this food in us, we drink all our water (a liter bottle) in hopes to give something to our bodies. All that water would rear it's head later.

After finishing the water, we leave the restaurant and are very happy to see our driver still there. We continue on our journey. At this time, we are really hoping the driver took a power nap or something while we were eating. As we continue our trip, it looks like the driver is going to stay awake, and we won't have to die out in the middle of India.

We start getting close to Agra, and we start feeling the effects of all the water we had during lunch. I have to pee, but I'm thinking I can hold it. Tad feels the same, but as time goes on, I can tell it's becoming quite the struggle for him. He could probably tell this part of the story better since he was the one who suffered through it. We pull into the city of Agra and Tad is really struggling. We make our way towards the Taj Mahal, and the quality of the roads begins to lessen. We begin bumping around some, and Tad is not enjoying himself. Tad asks the driver about a bathroom, and again, the driver had no idea what Tad said. So, we drive more and more, and Tad can't take it any more. With much urgency, Tad tells the driver to pull over and signals with his hands and does whatever he needs to for the driver to get to the side of the road and stop. I'm on the side closest to the shoulder, so I was going to get out so Tad could get out. Unfortunately, I had trouble getting the seat belt undone. I wasn't even joking around either. I could tell from Tad's face that this was no time for jokes. Tad can't wait for me to get it undone, so he just climbs right over me, and runs out to the wall by the road. There we wait, as Tad relieves himself.

After that, I could tell Tad was in a much more pleasant mood. We drive a little further, and pick up our tour guide. He spoke and understood English very well. We then went to the Taj Mahal, and it was awesome. After successfully making it to the Taj Mahal, we really enjoyed ourselves. Everything worked out in the end, but it was quite the adventure getting there.

And to finish, a couple of pictures for your enjoyment.

Here's me "enjoying" my wonderful mystery lunch:

Can you spot the giant egg? :)

And here I am alive at the Taj Mahal. It was very awesome: